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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24282211">Near Misses</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahsink/pseuds/dahsink'>dahsink</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek &amp; Paul/Levenson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Boys Kissing, Cheesy, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jewish Jared Kleinman, M/M, Prom, Recreational Drug Use, Skipping Class, Slow Dancing, This Is STUPID, Trees, connor was in a coma, oh yeahh connor lives lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:27:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,039</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24282211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahsink/pseuds/dahsink</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor could have not woken up.<br/>Evan could have not skipped with him.<br/>Heidi could have not gotten the tickets.<br/>Evan could have not smoked with him.<br/>Connor could have not taken him to the orchard.<br/>Evan could have not danced with him.<br/>And they could have not fallen for each other.<br/>But they did.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Near Misses</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote this a while ago but im only posting it now cuz im lazy :PPP<br/>I got some rlly sweet comments on my last fic and i'm so happy yall liked it!!!<br/>I have a tumblr and i'm taking art requests!<br/>Anyway love yall! Hope u like.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evan Hansen typed into the word document open on the school library computer. His letter to himself. Today wouldn’t be a good day, probably not a good week or a good month. But he had Zoe to care about. Zoe to try to make her like him. He had Zoe Murphy. He had a goal. Something to stick around for.</p><p>Evan signed the letter ‘Sincerely, Me’ and printed it. He breathed out, leaning his head into his hand. It was hard to type when one of your arms was bound in a cast. He sat there for a while, not wanting to get up and walk to the printer.</p><p>He lifted his head to the noise of someone walking towards him.</p><p>“Hey, is this yours? Just printed, and you’re the only other person in the library, so.”</p><p>It was Connor Murphy. The insane kid. Never at school, smelled like weed and depression. His voice was low, and his brown hair was shaggy and curled behind his ears. A trench coat hung from his shoulders and down to his knees, black combat boots that could be heard on the fourth floor all the way down on the first floor on his feet. He had a singular earring, slightly off center because he probably did it himself. But he had a hesitant smile on his face. He was trying to be nice. Evan realized he was staring.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, it is, thanks.” he paused, then hurriedly added: “I’m Evan. Evan Hansen.”</p><p>“Connor Murphy. How’d you break your arm?” He pointed at Evan’s cast.</p><p>“I, uh- fell out of a tree.” he explained, looking pointedly at the ground.</p><p>Connor snorted. “Well that’s depressing.”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess it is, huh.” he opened his mouth and closed it again. “Want to sign my cast?”</p><p>“Totally. Got a sharpie?” Evan handed him the marker and he wrote ‘connor’ in huge capital letters on the cast.</p><p>“Oh,” he breathed. Well, it’s not like anyone else was going to sign his cast.</p><p>“You probably want your letter back, huh, here you-” the brunette glanced at the letter.</p><p>No, no, NO, he can’t look at the letter, it has-</p><p>“Zoe?! My fucking sister? What the fuck is this?” He kept reading and Evan lunged for the letter.</p><p>“Give it back, I need it!” Evan said, almost hysterical.</p><p>“No fucking way. I know what this is.” Connor crumpled up the letter angrily. “You wanted to write some fucked shit about my sister and put it where you know I’d find it, then I’d blow the fuck up and everyone would finally know that I’m fucking insane! That’s what you want, isn’t it? You want psycho Connor Murphy to finally fucking snap! You know what, I’m done.” he stormed out of the library and Evan’s pleas fell on deaf ears.</p><p>He slumped back onto the desk and groaned. If it was possible to be below rock bottom, this was it.</p><p>The next day he was called down to the office.</p><p>Connor had overdosed the night before. He was in a coma.</p><p>They didn’t think he would make it.</p><p>They found Evan’s note on his person, and thought they were friends. Evan tried to correct them, but they were so destroyed. They... needed this.</p><p>The lie only got bigger. The fake emails, the hospital visits, the fund to reopen the orchard they supposedly went to. Eventually even Jared ditched him. Evan was being an asshole, but he couldn’t stop. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this. Even once he got what he’d wanted when Zoe had agreed to go out with him, he couldn’t quit. When Evan broke down and told them the truth, sobbing in their living room, apologizing and babbling about how he wanted somewhere to belong, they ended things.</p><p>The Murphy's didn’t go public. They didn’t tell anyone that Evan and Connor weren’t friends. They spared him, and Evan was forever grateful.</p><p>Then the impossible happened.</p><p>Connor woke up.</p><p>Zoe called him about it. She was crying. She was ecstatic. Evan was happy for her.</p><p>Connor got back to school a month after he woke up. They had switched his schedule, so he was with Evan in every class. After all, everyone still thought they were best friends in secret. Eventually, Connor picked up when they got put together every class. He cornered him in the bathroom after school.</p><p>“Alright, Hansen. Why the fuck are you in all my classes? What’s going on here?” Connor demanded, staring at Evan with fury and confusion smoldering in his eyes. Evan rushed to tell him everything, cowering and trying not to agitate him more.</p><p>“I’m so, so, so sorry,” He finished, looking at the ground and bracing for Connor to hit him. He didn’t.</p><p>“Fucking unbelievable.” Connor shouldered his bag and stalked out of the bathroom. Evan waited ten minutes to make sure he was really gone, then trudged down the stairs and into the parking lot, where Jared was waiting.</p><p>“What took you so long?” Jared sneered at him as he opened the door to his car. It was old, the paint was chipping around the edges.</p><p>“Connor Murphy got pissed because we have all our classes together.” Jared pushed his glasses up his nose and snorted.</p><p>“How badly did you get decked?”</p><p>Evan ran a hand through his short brown hair. “He didn’t touch me. Just stormed off.” He stared at his hands in his lap, as his (family) friend started the car and turned onto the road to drive him home.</p><p>“Weird.” Jared mused, smirking. “Must have a bit of a crush on you. Quite the power couple, psycho and loser.”</p><p>“Shut up, Jared.” Evan’s face was red and didn’t let up until he was unlocking his house’s door and stepping inside.</p><p>“I’m home,” he called into the empty house. His mom wouldn’t be home for a while, but it didn’t hurt to check.</p><p>Connor didn’t warm up to him the next day, or the next, or the next. It took nearly two weeks of Evan awkwardly trying to be nice, and Connor being unresponsive.</p><p>Until it finally happened.</p><p>Sixth period. Gym class. The pair of boys were walking down the hall, when Connor wiped his face with his hand and sighed.</p><p>“Let’s ditch this bitch.” He breathed out.</p><p>Connor led him down to the staircase that was barely off school property. Evan’s hands were shaking - he’d never skipped class before. They sat down, and Connor ranted about how much he hated their gym teacher.</p><p>“Like, Ms. Corvey, I was in a fucking coma from a failed suicide attempt, stop trying to make me run the fucking mile. And no, I won’t wear runners, I hate the ones I have, and my parents can’t buy me new ones because we are drowning in hospital bills.” He leaned back against his backpack and huffed.</p><p>Evan stared at him, wide-eyed. This was the most Connor had ever talked to him, and he needed to not screw it up. What can I say, what can I say, what can I-?</p><p>He clears his throat. “Yeah, she’s uh-” Connor’s looking at him now. “She’s a bitch.” Evan feels his face heat up with embarrassment. He’s screwed up, Connor’s going to leave, and it’ll take months for him to get to this point again and- and then Connor is laughing. And he’s smiling, really smiling.</p><p>“Dude, just, don’t swear. It sounds so fucking unnatural coming from you.” Evan is still staring, slack-jawed, before he’s laughing too.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m sorry I, uh, don’t know where that came from.” Connor is still... happy. He pushes his hair out of his eyes and leans back against the stairs. Evan opened his mouth to say something when the final bell rang through the air.</p><p>“Oh,” Evan said and threw his bag over his shoulder. “I gotta go,” he went to scurry away, not wanting to ruin the moment or whatever.</p><p>“Hey, wait,” Connor called, standing up. “do you walk home?”</p><p>Evan stared for a second but caught himself. “No, I, uh, my family friend drives me home.” Connor raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Jared Kleinman? That asshole?” Evan smiled hesitantly.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s him. I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>Connor waved at him and walked off. He was down the street in no time. He was taller than Evan and could walk a lot faster. Evan was still rooted to where he stood, shocked that Connor was being nice. Maybe he could forgive him.</p><p>But he couldn’t keep Jared waiting.</p><p>The next month was... fun. Evan and Connor had forged an uneasy sort of friendship. They walked to class together, and Evan would skip with him whenever Connor didn’t want to go to class. Whenever they did skip, they either went to get food or just sit somewhere and talk about nothing. This was one of those days.</p><p>The fast food bag lay between the two boys on the bench they sat on. Evan recommended a park a couple blocks away from the school to sit at today. Connor took a long drag from his drink.</p><p>“Hey- why did you lie? While I was in a coma?” Connor’s voice was serious, and Evan winced. He had known it was coming, but he didn’t really know what to say. Silence hung in the air for a minute, before Evan cleared his throat and spoke up.</p><p>“I don’t really know. I was helplessly in love with Zoe, and I thought they needed it. A memory of their dying son, I guess. I wanted to make them happy, and they made me happy. I felt like I belonged.” He felt tears prickle at the back of his eyes, but he pushed through. “I just-” He took a shaky breath in. “I’m so sorry. I know you don’t want to be saddled with a loser like me, and-” Another shaky breath. He could feel his tears spilling over but he tried to ignore it. “I regret it every day.”</p><p>He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he leaned his head into his hands and tried to hide his sobs. “Fuck, Evan, dude, I-” Evan tilted his face up to look at Connor, and he seemed to falter a bit. “I forgive you, you don’t have to beat yourself up about it.”</p><p>Evan wiped his eyes with his hoodie sleeves. “Thank- Thank you.” He breathed out. Connor patted his back again.</p><p>“We should, uh, go, the period is almost over.” Evan knew it wasn’t, but he agreed anyway. The walked back to school in silence.</p><p>It was Fall now, and Halloween was coming up. Connor and Evan were officially friends, and Connor was coming to spend the night at his place for the first time. The doorbell rang at around and Evan ran to open the door from where he was pacing in the kitchen.</p><p>“Hi,” Evan breathed out as he looked at Connor, a backpack full of stuff and a pillow under his arm.</p><p>“What’s up,” Connor grinned. “Is your mom home?” Evan stepped aside to let Connor inside, him looking around his house. Evan picked at his nails.</p><p>“Uh, no, we have the house to ourselves.” Connor’s grin widened.</p><p>“Sick. ‘Cuz I have-” He fished around in the pocket of his coat. “This.” He proudly held up a baggie full of some green leaves, and oh my god that’s weed. Evan’s eyes bulged out of his head.</p><p>“What the hell, Connor?! What the hell, you are not smoking in my house!!” Evan looked around, as if to check if anyone saw.</p><p>“Chill out! I just thought you might want to try it.” Connor shoved the baggie back into his pocket. “We don’t have to, okay? I’m sorry.” Evan ran his hands through his hair and looked up at Connor.</p><p>“It’s fine, just-” He took a breath in. “I’m not ready for that.” The taller boy gave Evan a reassuring smile.</p><p>Later that night, Evan and Connor were sitting in the living room, and Evan cleared his throat and picked at his nails. “Uh, you still have that, stuff, right?” Connor raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Yeah, Ev. Why?”</p><p>“Maybe I could, try it, y’know, might be... fun?” He stared at the wooden floorboards, trying not to meet his friend’s eyes.</p><p>Connor laughed. “Yeah, but you know you don’t have to, right? We can only do it if you’re comfortable.”</p><p>“Yeah, I uh, want to try it.”</p><p>The two friends were now sitting on the ground, Evan watching closely as Connor rolled a blunt and grabbed a lighter out of his pocket.</p><p>“You sure?” Connor asked him softly, and Evan nodded. The dark-haired boy took a hit, breathing out the smoke in a neat stream after turning his head away from Evan.</p><p>“The same one? Is that like,” Evan took the blunt hesitantly. “Sanitary?” Connor laughs, and corrects the way he’s holding the joint with his slender fingers.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s fine man. Now just-” he puts two fingers up to his mouth. “And inhale. Big inhale.”</p><p>He tried his best to copy what Connor had done, bringing the joint up to his lips and sucking in air, squeezing his eyes shut. He could feel some smoke enter his lungs and – god that felt weird - started to cough. Clouds puffed out of his mouth as he wheezed and Connor chuckled at him, snatching it from his fingers.</p><p>“That was-” Another hacking cough. “Interesting. Does it kick in soon?” Evan slapped his chest and looked hesitantly at his friend, who was taking another smooth drag from the blunt. That he had in his mouth. Evan stopped that train of thought right there.</p><p>“Maybe a couple minutes, but it shouldn’t be so bad if you only had one hit.” He flashed Evan a lopsided smile. “You don’t have to have any more, it’s hard the first time you fuckin’ blaze it.” Connor grins and Evan stifles a laugh.</p><p>Evan doesn’t get very high that night, doesn’t go farther than a couple hits. He can tell that Connor held back because it was, for lack of a better word, his first time. It just kind of made everything a lot funnier, and the world seem a whole lot slower. They mostly just joked and talked about their lives and ate a LOT of chips. May or may not have badly prank called Jared.</p><p>Christmastime is here in the blink of an eye. Evan’s mom’s work gave her three tickets to a Christmas-village-market attraction, and Jared, Evan and Connor were going to go. Connor never got his driver's license become of, you know, the coma, and when Evan tried to take the test, he had a horrible panic attack and refused to go back, so of course Jared had to drive them and by default, hang out with them.</p><p>Jared pulled into the lot of the park it was being held at, jerking the keys out of the car and unlocking the doors in one swift motion.</p><p>“Get out, losers. I’m not buying you anything. This isn’t my holiday.” Connor got out of the jar and sighed, his breath coming out white in the cold air.</p><p>“We get it, you’re a good Jewish boy. C’mon.”</p><p>They walked up to the ticket booth, handing the woman their tickets and being directed into the market. Lights adorned every square inch of the trees, holly wreaths on the gift shop doors, and candy cane lamps lining the paths that snaked around the trees and led to bridges over valleys. The trio started down the path, Evan pointing out the displays he liked with his massive mitten-covered hands. When they got to the large suspension bridge, Evan stiffened.</p><p>Jared just shouldered past him, smirking.</p><p>“Cross the bridge, did you even take your meds?”</p><p>Evan sighed and picked at his nails. “Yes, I did, I’m just not good with-” He glanced down at the valley and the rushing river below. “Not very good with heights.” Jared had walked off already, and Evan gulped.</p><p>Connor patted his head. “Want me to hold your hand, Evvy?” He said, in an almost baby voice. Evan stared at him like a deer in headlights before he nodded numbly. “Oh,” The taller boy said, before his face broke into a smile. “Sure.”</p><p>Evan took off one of his mittens as Connor laced his bony fingers through Evan’s and began to lead him across the bridge. It was sort of crowded, but they had come early in the month, so it wasn’t too bad. Connor’s hand was warm on Evan’s, which was impressive considering it was far below zero. The snow that was falling obscured his vision, but he just followed Connor’s lead and tried not to look down or bump into anyone. Before he knew it, they were at the other side of the bridge and Connor dropped his hand. He mourned the loss of the warmth before slipping his mitten back on.</p><p>They continued down the path, meeting up with Jared who was waiting impatiently a bit further down the trail. They made their rounds around the park, taking the cheesiest pictures known to man and swiping free candy canes wherever they could. Connor would point at a tree and ask Evan what type it was - he always got it right. The trio had made their way back to the main area, and Jared announced that he wanted hot chocolate. Evan handed him a five-dollar bill and told him to get him one too.</p><p>“We’ll be in the gift shop,” Connor said, rushing into the gift shop like a six-year-old as Jared stalked off. Evan rolled his eyes but followed him to the back entrance of the log cabin-esc gift shop. He stomped his snowy boots on the carpet, as Connor muttered something about Evan having snow in his hair and brushing it softly out. He looked up at him and grinned, Connor smiling back as his hands stilled in the other’s hair.</p><p>They both glanced up at the same time.</p><p>Mistletoe.</p><p>“Mistletoe,” Evan said dumbly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Connor laughed nervously, glancing at his friend. They turned to each other. “We don’t have to,” He blurted, and Evan nodded.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s not like it’s law or something.” Evan could feel his face start to get redder and redder.</p><p>“Yeah, totally.” Connor breathed out. They were standing pretty close. And the Christmas lights reflected in Connor’s eyes, and he had snow in his hair, and his face was red from what could be embarrassment or the cold.</p><p>Almost at the same time, they leaned in. Their noses bumped and Evan’s hands were awkwardly on Connor’s shoulders, but they still kissed. It was quick and almost feather light – but nice. Connor’s lips were stained pink and tasted of peppermint - candy canes. When they both pulled away, Evan could feel a smile cracking onto his face and see Connor’s eyes light up and-</p><p>The door opened. The two boys scrambled apart as Jared walked into the store, two overpriced hot chocolates in his hands. “Hey, you two ready to go?” They glanced at each other, both noting how red the other’s face was, before Evan squeaked out</p><p>“Yeah!” and Connor nodded stiffly. Jared raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, passing Evan his hot chocolate and leaving the store.</p><p>Evan and Connor locked eyes, and Connor blurted: “We should, uh, go.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Evan’s voice cracked, and they both looked away and swiftly left the store. The ride home was in relative silence, Evan unable to forget how unbelievably soft the other boy’s lips had been. It wasn’t until they had dropped off Connor and were on the way to Evan’s house that Jared broke the quiet.</p><p>“Hey, y’know what was all over that place?” Jared said, not taking his eyes off the road. Evan picked at his nails.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Jared was still staring dead ahead, a smirk growing on his face. “Mistletoe.”</p><p>“R-really, huh.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, it was everywhere. So glad we didn’t get stuck under it.” He was grinning now.</p><p>“Totally.” Evan rushed out of the car when they pulled up to his house, slamming the door a bit too loud, his face a bit too red to just be from the cold.</p><p>It was spring break, and Evan and Connor were practically inseparable. They would sleepover nearly every other day, practically never going a day without seeing each other. Currently, Connor was lying face down on Evan’s bed, whining about the rain and how he wished they could go somewhere.</p><p>Evan, who was sitting beside him at the head of the bed absentmindedly ran his fingers through the growing mullet at the back of the brunette’s head. Connor lifted his head to look at him, and Evan jerked his hand away quickly.</p><p>“Uh, your hair is getting long. You should get a haircut.” Connor snorts and props his head up on his hands.</p><p>“I don’t trust barbers. They’ll just fuck up my hair and make me pay fifteen bucks for it.” Evan leaned back onto the wall, and his friend looked up at him, a lazy smile stretching onto his features. “You should cut my hair.”</p><p>They got up, Evan grabbing some shitty craft scissors from his desk and followed Connor into the bathroom, where he was taking off his sweatshirt (not wearing a shirt underneath) and threw it into the corner. Evan sputtered.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>He smirked. “So I won’t get hair in my hoodie! Aren’t you proud of me for being hygienic, Evvy?” He pinched Evan’s cheek and Evan rolled his eyes in exasperation, trying very hard not to look at Connor’s chest. He sat down on the stool he had brought in from the kitchen in front of the mirror.</p><p>“Alright Ev! Make me pretty.” Connor grinned at him in the mirror as Evan began to cut at his mess of curls. He trimmed the hairs at the base of his neck, trimming behind his ears and tried to quell the mop of hair on the top of his head. Connor closed his eyes, looking blissfully calm in the mirror as Evan ran his fingers through his hair.</p><p>Even when Evan had finished his haircut, he still absentmindedly carded his hands through Connor’s dark brown locks, blushing furiously at how Connor just... let him.</p><p>“Uh, you’re done.” Evan put the scissors into his pocket, and Connor examined himself in the mirror.</p><p>“Looks good! Thanks, Ev.” Connor shoved him jokingly. Evan was Connor’s unofficial barber from then on.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t you skip with me?!” Connor whined as Evan tried to drag him down the street.</p><p>“It’s the end of the year! You need to get your marks up for college! Now c’mon, you’re heavy.”</p><p>Connor draped himself over Evan’s back and groaned.</p><p>“Evvyyyyyy, it doesn’t even matter! Gym sucks, we should have left.” They were on their way to the orchard, but Connor was holding them up with his whining.</p><p>“No! You need creds! And if you really wanted to skip, why didn’t you just go alone?” Evan shouldered him off his back, whirling to face Connor, who had a small smile on his face.</p><p>“It’s not fun without you, Ev.” He took too long to respond, apparently, because Connor ruffled his hair and started to walk ahead. Evan snapped out of his thoughts and rushed to catch up, trying to keep his smile under wraps.</p><p>The pair had arrived and jumped the fence to get into the closed down apple orchard. They put the stuff they didn’t need at the base of the tree they had picked, and as Connor started to climb, he looked down at Evan who was still planted on the spot.</p><p>“Are you going to be... okay? I know you aren’t great with heights.” Connor gave him a sympathetic smile, but Evan shook his head and began to scramble up quickly.</p><p>“You’re pretty good at climbing, Hansen.” Connor quirked an eyebrow. Evan, who was higher in the tree than him, smiled down at his friend.</p><p>“I had that tree job, Murphy. Forget so soon? Also, I’ll be fine as long as I don’t-” He gulped. “Look down.” He took off again, Connor close behind. They stopped at two thick branches that were close together so they could both sit and lean against the trunk of the tree. They sat down together, Connor pulling a blanket out of his backpack that he threw around their shoulders. The two boys were sitting pressed nearly thigh to shoulder. Evan rummaged for snacks in his bag and Connor pulled out drinks.</p><p>“Alright. Should we have a shitty fake deep conversation now?” Connor asked, and Evan breathed out a laugh.</p><p>“Well, I actually have something to tell you.” Evan cleared his throat and pressed a bit more into the side of his friend. “I uh, you know how I broke my arm?”</p><p>Connor cracked open a Pepsi and furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah?”</p><p>“Well. I didn’t exactly fall.”</p><p>“Did someone push you?! I swear to fucking god if it was that Klienman, I’ll-“</p><p>“It wasn’t Jared,” Evan scoffed, even though Connor noticed his eyes were glassy. “I slipped off the branch, and I grabbed onto it as I fell. I was just kinda dangling there, and I-“ he sniffled, the tears spilling over. “I let go.” Connor’s arm had made its way around his shoulders, and Evan has leaned his head onto Connor’s head.</p><p>“Evan…”</p><p>“And when I was on the ground, just lying there, waiting for someone to find me, and my arm was throbbing and the sticks dug into my back, and no one came until my manager was leaving. It was hours, Con.” Connor was holding him now, Evan’s head tucked into the space between his chin and neck while sobs racked his body and Connor rubbed reassuring circles into the small of his back.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Ev.” Connor pressed his face into his hair. “If it makes you feel any better... I would have helped you.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Evan breathed out shakily.</p><p>“Yeah, I would.” He smiled softly. “I would have gotten my license, and I’d pick you up after work, and when you didn’t come on time, I’d come in to find you. I would have driven you to the hospital, and I would have slept overnight there if you needed me to.”</p><p>“That would’ve been fantastic,” He gave a bitter laugh. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Course, Evvy!” Connor patted his head. “I’m here for you.”</p><p>The conversation took its meaningless course, the snacks and drinks disappearing fast, same with any space between them. And when Evan fell asleep on the bus ride home, Connor wrapped the blanket around him tightly and waited to wake him up at his stop. They waved goodbye to each other, and Evan had the urge to kiss him right then and there. He didn’t.</p><p>It was prom night, and Jared’s car wouldn’t start.</p><p>“Why won’t it start! Why won’t it start?!” Evan yelled, smoothing out his tux for the millionth time.</p><p>“Chill out dude, you’ll be there in time for your boyfriend.” Evan was too panicked to correct him, trying not to pick at his nails because he had just gotten a manicure to fix them (for once). Jared quirked an eyebrow at him as he continued to fiddle under the hood of the car.</p><p>He slammed the hood shut and stepped into the car, turning the key once, twice, three times and the car shuddered to life. Evan breathed a sigh of relief and tipped his head back onto the headrest.</p><p>“I need a new car.” Jared muttered.</p><p>“Just drive!” Evan snapped, and Jared’s eyes went wide as he stepped a bit harder on the gas pedal on their way.</p><p>As soon as they pulled up, Evan hopped out and scurried up the stairs. He threw the doors open and scanned the entryway for his friend. He eventually found him standing in the corner with his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his... suit. Connor Murphy was wearing a suit. It was a deep navy blue, with a crisp black dress shirt that had a reflective black paisley pattern embedded in it. His top button was undone, and of course he wasn’t wearing a tie. It looked as if he actually brushed his hair and washed his face. Rings adorned his fingers and one gold earring is in his ear.</p><p>Evan gulped and straightens his baby blue tie. He wore the classic, a black suit jacket and pants with a white shirt underneath, tie straight and shirt ironed to perfection. He walked up to Connor, tapping him on the shoulder and giving him a wide smile.</p><p>“Ev! You look... amazing!” Connor gushed, looking him up and down in one smooth motion. Evan blushed furiously.</p><p>“Yeah!! You too!!” He gestured to his suit, and Connor smiled.</p><p>“Oh, I- I got you a little something-” He pulled a small white box with a blue ribbon around it from behind his back. “Open it.”</p><p>Evan shot him a questioning glance and untied to the ribbon to reveal a small lapel-boquet of red roses, baby’s breath and blue pansies. “Holy crap, Connor! This is gorgeous, I-” He quickly pinned it to his coat. “It’s beautiful, I- thank you.” He grinned at Connor, who was looking at the ground sheepishly.</p><p>“Should we go in?” He queried, and Evan nodded stupidly. They strolled into the party room, with low lights and disco balls and colorful lights flashing through the air, not even close to on time to the beat of the music that pounded into Evan’s ears. They stood at the edge of the room, drinking the punch that tasted different with every new cup. Connor knew what was in it, but decided not to tell Evan. He stopped drinking it after he tasted whiskey. They rated their classmate’s outfits like fashion judges, Evan docking everyone in the room one point because they “don’t have my lapel bouquet, which is the ultimate fashion accessory.” The music from 2015, which, Evan recalled, was when a girl rejected him because he had headgear and brought up bad memories. They both agreed it was a valid reason to reject someone.</p><p>Connor downed the rest of his solo cup of punch and chucked the empty it into the garbage. He turned to Evan, who grinned knowingly at his mischievous smile.</p><p>“Wanna ditch this bitch?”</p><p>A smile grew on Evan’s face. “Yeah- yeah!”</p><p>They slipped out the back entrance and sat down at a hill outside the venue that overlooked an empty grass playing field. The duo laughed at the song choices that came on, chatting about all the drama that had happened in the year and stories from before they met each other. Eventually, a slow song began to play, the smooth music leaking out from the propped open doors of the venue. Evan laughed, realizing that he recognized the song. Connor stood up and moved in front of his friend.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>Connor stretched out his hand. “May I have this dance?” Evan flushed, and grabbed his hand. Connor laced their hands together and put his other hand on the small of Evan’s back, who placed his hand gingerly on his shoulder. They began to dance to the music, attempting not to tumble down the hill. Connor spun him, then smoothly dipped Evan. Evan squeaked with the suddenness, and Connor laughed.</p><p>“You’re a good dancer,” he breathed softly.</p><p>“My parents forced me to take formal dancing in freshman year. Thought it would cure my depression.”</p><p>“And did it?”</p><p>Connor smiled. “Totally.”</p><p>The dancing became less and less complex, just ending up as them swaying together, the music fading out. And then- suddenly it was just them, in the cold air, with their arms around each other and silly grins on their faces. Evan was laughing at something Connor had said, and then, quick like lightning, Connor kissed him. Evan’s mouth was open, and it was awkward and clumsy, and when he pulled back, Evan was gaping at him.</p><p>“Sorry, I-” Connor started, but Evan captured his mouth in a fierce kiss. And kissed him again, and again, and again. He realized he was messing up Connor’s hair with how much he ran his hands through it, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was Connor’s lips on his, and how his arms pulled him closer. Sadly, they had to breathe, so they pulled apart. Evan’s eyes grew wide.</p><p>“Oh god, what time is it? I need to meet Jared at 1-” He checked his watch. 1:15 AM. “Crap! I can’t keep him waiting, I’m so, so sorry-” Connor was just smiling at him.</p><p>“I’ll see you tomorrow, Ev. Get home safe,” he whispered, and Evan gave him a nervous smile.</p><p>“Bye,” He said softly, and pecked him on the cheek before hurrying off to the parking lot. He threw open the door and slipped into the passenger's side of Jared’s car.</p><p>“Sorry I’m late,” He breathed out. Jared looked at him sideways.</p><p>“So how big is Murphy’s dick?” Evan choked at Jared’s bluntness.</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>Jared rolled his eyes. “I watched you guys ditch the party. So how far did you get? Third base? Penetration? Did you suck his dick? Did you use protection?”</p><p>Evan’s face started to heat up. “I don’t- We didn’t-”</p><p>“What? Then how far did you go?” Jared looked at him with a comically confused expression.</p><p>He opened his mouth and closed it. “Uh, we just-” He could feel himself getting redder. “Made out.” He said softly. Jared barked out a laugh.</p><p>“Nice, Hansen! You finally got some! If it’s a matter of your parents I will happily buy you a hotel room if it means all of your stupid gay sexual tension will go away.” Evan cleared his throat.</p><p>“I appreciate the support, but no need to be so blunt. Now please drive, I have a curfew!”</p><p>Jared just chuckled but shut up for the rest of the ride.</p><p>Graduation was a happy blur. Lots of pictures, and itchy gown, lots of handshakes, and nerves because he couldn’t sit next to Connor, or even Jared for that matter. The three of them burst out of the auditorium, away from their parents who were gushing over them, and their teachers who wanted to bother them about their future. A chorus of “We’re free!” burst from the trio, laughing with relief. In the commotion and noise, Connor grabbed the back of Evan’s neck and pulled him in to kiss him square on the lips. Evan quickly pulled back with wild eyes, staring at Jared, who just laughed. Connor smirked at him.</p><p>“Problem, Kleinman?”</p><p>“Not a one, Murphy.”</p><p>Evan stared at them quizzically, as they threw around banter like they had been friends for years. Later, Connor told him that they had been hanging out more towards the end of the year. In his words: “Bonding over our mutual love for shitty fake-deep movies.” That day, Evan learned more about pulp fiction than he’d ever wanted too.</p><p>Evan woke up on a quiet Sunday morning, his legs tangled with Connor’s under the thin sheet that bunched up around their waists. He could feel him breathing on his neck, his forehead leaning on the back of his head. Connor’s arms were tightly wound around his waist, his hands slipped under the thin tee shirt he slept in. Evan grabbed his phone to check the time. It was nine, and he had a text from Jared saying that their morning lecture had been cancelled. He could get up and work on his essay, get ready for his lab at one, or he could go back to sleep and sleep in with his lovely boyfriend.</p><p>He smiled and leaned back onto Connor’s chest, who grunted in his sleep and nestled closer to him. Evan closed his eyes, and slowly drifted back off to sleep. Today would most likely be a good day, a good week, and probably a good month - but even if it wasn’t, him and Connor could deal with it. Because they love each other, and they would support and help each other no matter what. He had made it.</p><p>Evan was home.</p>
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